I'm writing this from the Ayana Resort in Bali, Indonesia — where I'm having a little solo adventure before moving on to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for a work event.
It's 8:00AM on my first morning here.
There is another woman sitting at a table next to mine at breakfast this morning. She's alone. Just like me. I want to know what her story is. She's maybe mid-40s? Is her husband or significant other still asleep? No, I don't think so. She isn't wearing a ring. She looks so content, she isn't checking her phone waiting for a text from anyone, she isn't in a rush to go anywhere, she's just enjoying being with herself. How healthy is that? It's incredible. I admire her. She is completely at peace with being by herself.
I must admit that I was feeling a little apprehensive about spending 5 days here alone. Especially after walking around yesterday and seeing how full of happy couples this place is — all enjoying the romance that engulfs you throughout the grounds. But this woman has inspired me. I can't help but stare at her and imagine what she's thinking about, what her story is.
A butterfly just landed on my table and she turned and smiled at me. I smiled back and we exchanged some light conversation. She has an English accent.
I'm following her lead now. We've both finished our breakfast and she has ordered a latte. I ordered a cappuccino. Now we're both sitting at our respective tables, listing to the trickle of the serene coy pond below our feet, breathing in the delicious air and enjoying the ocean views.
I want to tell you a story. 5 or 6 years ago, there was a woman named Jessie Angel who worked at Akamai. She had a short 6-month contract, but in that time, she and I really connected. She was 13 years older than me and really took me under her wing. At that point in my career, nobody had really stepped out of their way yet to mentor me or look out for me in the way she had. She taught me a lot about life, whether she was trying to or not. The biggest life lesson that Jessie taught me was to be comfortable with me. To be at peace with myself and enjoy my "me time". Sounds simpler than it is. I will never forget the night that she took me out to dinner and told me about a special promise that she had made to herself long ago (when she was my age). She promised to take herself out to dinner once a month and just enjoy being with herself. She was in a serious and loving relationship, but she recognized the importance of loving yourself first. So, for the last 10-15+ years, she's been doing just that. Dedicating time to herself to enjoy a meal. Once a month. She spoke of the awkwardness in the beginning, as she learned to be alone. The guilt that she would feel when a hostess would ask "just for one?". But then she taught me about how she moved on and broke trough the feelings of being ashamed. She learned that she even enjoyed the food more when she was alone. She was actually experiencing the food. Tasting every bite. Slowing down for once. But more than the dining, she was affording herself the chance to let her thoughts flow freely. Giving herself the freedom to take a break from the stresses of her day-to-day and to just exist. As herself. Jessie Angel.
So here I am. Enjoying being just me, on a solo vacation in Bali. Happy and content with who I am. At peace with myself. Allowing myself to just be me — free of judgement from others around me who might be wondering why I am alone. So here I am. As myself. Casey Alisha.
SaveSaveSave